Holding back…a theme that’s just recently surfaced.
“Surfaced” is definitely the right word – I think it’s been there all along but I’m just now seeing it in this certain light. The light of fear. Like most people, fear rules me – in ways that I don’t even know about.
Last week, I had a dream that I was running away from something. I don’t remember what. As I was traveling/running, I was also taking care of a Komodo dragon. Isn’t that just very, very odd? I haven’t been to the zoo lately or aquarium. I haven’t seen one on TV either. So, I had to look it up. I had to see what the dream sites say about Komodo dragons. Not surprisingly, depending on the site, the dragon has many meanings. But, one that particularly resonated with me is that a Komodo dragon can represent fear. Hmmmmm. Double hmmmmm.
I have literally been taking care of my fear – nurturing it, making sure it was fed and comfortable. Probably because it feels like an old blanket – something that’s always been around but has never been tossed out. But, writing that I’m going to “overcome these fears by kicking out” this dragon seems very fake to me. Disingenuous. Self righteous. All too easy.
So, what I think I’m going to do is befriend it. Try to accept that it’s there but not give into its neediness – at least not so automatically and hopefully, not so often. I remind myself that everyone has a Komodo dragon, be it a baby or perhaps even more than one. Then I don’t feel so alone.